Scalpel to the Scriptures: Vol 5
Every week I’m critiquing biblical scriptures. Last week: Genesis 3:1-7
Genesis Chapter 3:8-24 (KJV)
8 And they heard the voice of Jehovah God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of Jehovah God amongst the trees of the garden. – Are we meant to believe that they could hear God’s voice and hid before he could see them? Read your bible if you think that OT God is omnipresent.
9 And Jehovah God called unto the man, and said unto him, Where art thou?
10 And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. – Where’s Eve?
11 And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? – Beautiful language style.
12 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. – This is a real form of the objectification of women; Eve was merely given to Adam as a helper or servant (an help meet). Adam was clearly made to be superior and Eve was created so that he could not be alone.
13 And Jehovah God said unto the woman, What is this thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat. – That’s right, the serpent beguiled her. Is God going to demonstrate some forgiveness? No, that’s too hard for God.
14 And Jehovah God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, cursed art thou above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life: – Was “dust shalt thou eat” a metaphor? Had the author ever seen a snake eating a mouse?
15 and I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed: he shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel. – I don’t understand this verse, but it may mean that Adam will eventually conquer Satan by crushing his head. 
16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy pain and thy conception; in pain thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. – As if God originally never intended for Adam to rule over his wife. And as if childbirth would have been peachy otherwise.
17 And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in toil shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; – Most people interpret this as follows: because you didn’t respect me, you’re cursed and you will have to toil and struggle forever. The huge contradiction between this verse and the modern world is that capitalism exists, and some men don’t have to toil. A Christian will say, “yeah but people have to work hard and study before they can earn a living”. Working hard and studying doesn’t apply to rich kids, something that was unimaginable at the time this book was written.
18 thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;
19 in the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. – …or a blood clot. Depends on which book you read. Also, which part of that book you read.
20 And the man called his wife’s name Eve; because she was the mother of all living. – God decides to name the unnamed property of Adam only after fruitgate. Women in the bible were obviously second-class citizens from page one.
21 And Jehovah God made for Adam and for his wife coats of skins, and clothed them. – Were they tailored to look fashionable, or were they baggy? Did the coats come with hoodies?
22 And Jehovah God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil; and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever – God could have killed Adam and started over again, but chose not to. He deliberately wanted every generation of man to suffer. A spiteful shit was he. The god of Genesis was supposedly incapable of taking away Adam’s knowledge of good and evil. How can any sane person not think this is all myth?!
23 therefore Jehovah God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken. – “Suffer all your days, but don’t forget, you still have to till the ground” – Jehovah God
24 So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden the Cherubim, and the flame of a sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life. – Obviously the author thought there was a garden within which lies a tree of life. Where did they think the garden was, and what did they think happened to it? Did they think the flood destroyed a tree of eternal life?