Scalpel to the Scriptures: Vol 11
Genesis 8 | King James Version (KJV)
1 And God remembered Noah, and every living thing, and all the cattle that was with him in the ark: and God made a wind to pass over the earth, and the waters assuaged;
2 The fountains also of the deep and the windows of heaven were stopped, and the rain from heaven was restrained; – the “windows”, or rather, the openings to the floodgates closed. Again, suggesting that the sky was like a dome covering the flat-Earth.
3 And the waters returned from off the earth continually: and after the end of the hundred and fifty days the waters were abated.
4 And the ark rested in the seventh month, on the seventeenth day of the month, upon the mountains of Ararat. – Poetic.
5 And the waters decreased continually until the tenth month: in the tenth month, on the first day of the month, were the tops of the mountains seen. – How convenient still, that on the first day of the tenth month, you’d see the tops of the other mountains. More meaningless poetry.
6 And it came to pass at the end of forty days, that Noah opened the window of the ark which he had made:
7 And he sent forth a raven, which went forth to and fro, until the waters were dried up from off the earth.
8 Also he sent forth a dove from him, to see if the waters were abated from off the face of the ground;
9 But the dove found no rest for the sole of her foot, and she returned unto him into the ark, for the waters were on the face of the whole earth: then he put forth his hand, and took her, and pulled her in unto him into the ark.
10 And he stayed yet other seven days; and again he sent forth the dove out of the ark;
11 And the dove came in to him in the evening; and, lo, in her mouth was an olive leaf pluckt off: so Noah knew that the waters were abated from off the earth.
12 And he stayed yet other seven days; and sent forth the dove; which returned not again unto him any more.
13 And it came to pass in the six hundredth and first year, in the first month, the first day of the month, the waters were dried up from off the earth: and Noah removed the covering of the ark, and looked, and, behold, the face of the ground was dry.
14 And in the second month, on the seven and twentieth day of the month, was the earth dried. – God took his natural time drying up the fucking Earth.
15 And God spake unto Noah, saying,
16 Go forth of the ark, thou, and thy wife, and thy sons, and thy sons’ wives with thee.
17 Bring forth with thee every living thing that is with thee, of all flesh, both of fowl, and of cattle, and of every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth; that they may breed abundantly in the earth, and be fruitful, and multiply upon the earth. – “And needent you worry about the possible genetic disadvantages of all the inevitable inbreeding which I hath forced upon all the animal pairs, foreth I shall perform the miracle of genetic diversity among the offspring to fixeth it.” – God
18 And Noah went forth, and his sons, and his wife, and his sons’ wives with him:
19 Every beast, every creeping thing, and every fowl, and whatsoever creepeth upon the earth, after their kinds, went forth out of the ark.
20 And Noah builded an altar unto the Lord; and took of every clean beast, and of every clean fowl, and offered burnt offerings on the altar. – “Remembereth, take an extra supply of clean beasts foreth I need you to kill them and set them on fire to please me. It’s not like I’m nuts or anything.” – God
21 And the Lord smelled a sweet savour; and the Lord said in his heart, I will not again curse the ground any more for man’s sake; for the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done. – Because, somehow, promising that you won’t ever again kill every living thing on the Earth out of your anger for having created evil men makes you seem somehow more merciful and benevolent? No! Imagine there’s a father who raised 10 twin children, and by the time the children were all teenagers, eight of them are quite violent and unruly toward each other. Now, imagine if that father justified murdering the eight, sparing the first two, and then later promised that he’d never do anything like that again. And he claims he’s somehow not really to blame, because the eight were unruly and violent, he had to teach the two remaining children a lesson in obedience and humility. Could that father ever be considered just? Fuck no, and neither should Yahweh! What’s worse is that the burning of animal flesh for the sake of sacrifice is so sweet to this maniacal god.
22 While the earth remaineth, seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease.