Noah (2014) – an Atheist Review

NOAH (2014) Atheist Review (with spoilers in red!!!)

I think it goes without saying that Noah was not literally but loosely ‘based on the book’. The film was written by Ari Handel and Darren Aronofsky and directed by Aronofsky. The film left me a bit unsatisfied and frustrated. See my review of this morally abhorrent retelling of the original biblical story which is itself perhaps even more morally atrocious. Although the god of Noah is about as nasty a character as the Christian god, the biblical ark narrative (believe it or not) makes more sense than the film, and the film would have been more entertaining had it stuck to the original myth. 

Logan Lerman as Ham and Sami Gayle as the refugee daughter

The Mission

Noah learns of his quest and acquires the help of the Watchers, huge rock men, who help build the ark. Meanwhile Noah, his three sons, his wife, Ila and the Watchers are preparing for the creator to wipe man from Earth. (spoilers in red) Noah tries to find wives for his sons Ham and Japeth but fails. Frustrated, Ham then ventures alone to the village where he conveniently finds a young girl his own age and who’s parents have recently been killed. Coincidentally, she’s  pretty and ‘single‘. She’s been abandoned and is hiding in a ditch or mass grave. (This would make for a gruesome how-I-met-your-mother story.) Hopeful Ham and his new refugee wife-to-be orphan now flee the village and head back for the ark. However, before they can make it back, the young girl is tragically killed.


To survive, Tubal-cain orders his people to storm onto the ark. Tubal-cain often complains that “the creator” never speaks to or offers guidance to him or his people, describing man as being the creator’s “orphans”.

Nick Nolte and Mark Margolis – voices of the Watchers

The Rock Warriors

The Watchers, fallen angels, were also out of touch with their creator. Aimlessly, they roam Earth, alone and unguided. Seems as though they were physically uncomfortable due to their asymmetrical, rigid and awkward bodies.

Russell Crowe as Noah, Logan Lerman as Ham

Crazy Evil Gods

The god of this story is equally as maniacal and evil as the actual Christian god. He gives you no good reason to follow or believe in him and condemns you for not doing so. God in “Noah” is just this pissed off, capricious child who wants to destroy all men, women, children, the elderly and infants for the iniquities and offenses of a few. In other words, the god of this film is hardly different than the god actual Christians believe in today. Imagine if the death penalty was a sentencing of death-by-drowning for the offender, which included the offender’s entire family?

Logan Lerman as Ham

God Just Loves Drama

Noah’s epic slashing and thrashing of Tubal-cain’s followers, preventing them from storming through the ark’s entrance is all apparently for God’s entertainment. You see, the creator could control beast’s minds like puppets as he did earlier, possessing them and leading them into the ark, so he could have just possessed additional animals to fight or help fight Tubal-cain and his warriors. The creator could have even deplored more angels to help, but doesn’t intervene this way. Of course, one explanation is that the creator wanted to ensure ‘Noah‘ was of the action and adventure genre. The only help in battle that Noah and his Watchers receive is luck and skill. I wonder what Noah was supposed to have been thinking as he was fighting for his life and fighting to save the lives of his family.

Noah believes that the creator wants him to lead his family to a new land in which they are not meant to reproduce. He believes that God wants to wipe out man and save only the beasts of the Earth. This sounds like the long version of making one dig one’s own grave. It seems the creator is just using Noah to help him ‘move his things’ around in the world’s first U-Haul vessel.

Russell Crowe – Noah (2014)

All of mankind, Noah and his family struggle daily because one day some couple ate a piece of fruit. What a relief no god like this exists. If a supreme being exists, then all suffering on Earth is of course his Will.

(cast from left to right) Leo McHugh Carroll is Japheth, Jennifer Connelly is Naameh, Douglas Booth is Shem and Emma Watson is Ila – “Noah” (2014)

(Spoiler ahead – plot twist in red)

Shem’s girlfriend/wife Ila (Emma Watson) is cured of her sterility by Methuselah before the flood and unbeknownst to Noah. Later, on the ark Ila discovers she is pregnant with Shem’s child. When Noah learns this, he fears the creator will force him to destroy the child at birth if it is female. This is because Noah seems to believe that the way things are is the way they were meant to be (Ila’s sterility). You see, his other two sons could not find ‘wives’ quickly enough, so it must be the will of the creator that mankind die out with Noah and his family being the last humans.

Noah begs the creator to show mercy for the child but gets no clear response. Some time later, Ila gives birth to not a boy, but twin girls. The twins must die immediately of course so Noah, fighting through his family, long knife in hand, races to find the babies. Blade hovering over the infants, he can’t bring himself to murder them. He turns to the sky, looks at the clouds and says, “I cannot do this”. Nothing happens, no lightning from the sky to strike him down, silence. Later, the family settles on new land with Noah being ostracized for the first couple of months or so. 

Noah eventually reunites with his family and passes down the magical snake-skinned birthright and blessing to his two infant granddaughters and tells them to be fruitful and multiply. You can see the magic in the blessing because a glowing light passes from the snake skin through to the girls’ hands. To be fruitful and multiply means to multiply with your UNCLES; one of you with Japeth and the other with Ham. Keep it in the family!

Wow Aronofsky, you’ve managed to make this film more odd than the bible itself! It’s hard to do that! Congrats! But, I don’t think that was your intention. In the bible Ham and Japeth already had wives with them.

The ‘inspirational’ feel-good music in the end is just creepy as well, its not a happy ending; it’s horrendous. The creator gives Noah bursts of rainbow light just after the blessing ceremony to show his approval and maybe the promise that this will be the last great flood. Oh NOW you speak?! Where were you when we really needed your communication?

Eng of spoiler

The “Real” God

The madness of the real biblical story is that its god describes man as completely violent, and deserving of slow and brutal deaths. According to the Christian god, if you are violent and corrupt, you and your entire family should be drowned:

Genesis 6:11-12 “11.) Now the earth was corrupt in God’s sight and was full of violence. 12.) God saw how corrupt the earth had become, for all the people on earth had corrupted their ways.” (For biblical critiques see Scalpel to the Scriptures)


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Failed Arguments for God

Failed Arguments for God – Rebuttal to William Lane Craig’s Top 5 Reasons to Believe

last updated 2015/7/24

William Lane Craig is respected in the Christian Apologetics community and is well known to anyone who follows debates on the existence of a god. Here are his top 5 arguments and my annotations to them in red.

1.) The Cosmological Argument from Contingency

1. “Everything that exists has an explanation of its existence, either in the necessity of its own nature or in an external cause.” Premise one may already be an assertion. It may be a false dichotomy which states that everything that exists must have either come into existence by an external force/cause, or it exists through the very necessity of its own nature.

Continue reading Failed Arguments for God

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